CAPS Student Advisory Board
The CAPS Advisory Board recruits new members during the spring term. Additional information will be posted at that time. Click here for frequently asked questions which may help you to decide whether serving on the advisory board is a good fit for you.
2013-2014 CAPS Student Advisory Board
Jackie Alvarez, CAPS Director/Ex-Officio
Sonia Contreras, SIFC Liaison
Dave Downing, Co-Chair
Michele Lynam, Professional Faculty
Sarah McCracken, Secretary
Genna Reeves-DeArmond, Faculty
Mark Smith, Ex-Officio
Joshua Willmart, Co-Chair
Guidelines for a Successful Relationship
Having a rough time in your relationship? Try practicing some of these simple guidelines to help smooth things out.
Successful relationships bring happiness and health to our lives. Studies show that people with healthy relationships really do have more happiness and less stress. While no successful relationship is perfect and we all have bad days, students should be able to evaluate their relationships and feel, on the whole, that they are positive and healthy.
- A healthy relationship attitude is: “Your needs are important, and my needs are important. Let’s find a way to compromise.”
- Do not “mind-read”, that is, do not tell the other person what he or she is feeling or thinking. Likewise, don’t expect your partner to read your mind.
- Avoid using words like “always”, “never” as in “You never…”. These global words breed defensiveness in the other person.
- Avoid right-wrong, good-bad discussions. When differences arise look for compromises. All good relationships are based on compromises.
- Use “I feel” messages instead of “You are…” messages. For example, say “I feel hurt when you ignore me” and not “You are selfish and inconsiderate for ignoring me.”
- Be direct and honest. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
- If you have a complaint, complain only about a specific aspect of his or her behavior. Do not criticize the person.
- Soft start-up. Start a difficult or controversial conversation in a gentle way.
- Edit yourself. Don’t allow yourself to say mean things.
- Express admiration and fondness for each other.
- Learn effective “Repair Mechanisms”. Every relationship has some conflict. Knowing how to make up, or “repair” the relationship is an extremely important component of a healthy relationship. For example, humor, touch, or apologizing, are several possible mechanisms that lead to repairing the rift.
- Soothe your partner. Learn what soothes the other person, and then do it. It might be a hug, taking a walk, or anything that you calms and comforts your partner.
Compiled by Mariette Brouwers, Ph.D. OSU Counseling and Psychological Services. 541-737-2131
Consultation and Referral: To Whom and How?
- Listen to the student and approach with logic (e.g., “It seems as though you need someone who is more experienced than I am to help you out.”)
- A CAPS counselor is available for urgent concerns, consultation, and referral. The on-call counselor can consult with you about the student and/or possibly see the student that day. We encourage you to call CAPS and tell the receptionist you are a faculty or staff member and what you need.
- Other resources may also be helpful and can also consult with you if you are concerned about a student:
- Student Health Services (541-737-9355)
- Dean of Students Office (541-737-2382)
How to Build Community After a Violent Tragic Event
- Recognize that people’s response to a tragic event varies
- Even students who have not had any personal contact or connection to the event may exhibit reactions such as:
- Shock and disbelief
- Feelings of helplessness, the feeling of loss or control over your life
- Difficulty concentrating and focusing on schoolwork
- Mourning the loss of another human being within their community
- Feeling the need to talk about the tragedy with good friends
- Feeling depressed and questioning how someone could commit such a heinous act
- Focusing more on the violent crime over the victims
If the student . . .
- Has excessive class/work absences
- Begins doing worse in class or not attending to daily job tasks
- Shows poor emotional control
- Has excessive moodiness or worrying
- Has sleeping and/or eating habits that change dramatically
- Shows unusual concern about personal health
- Has persistent depression
- Talks openly about suicide
- Engages in consistent risky behavior
When you or other staff or faculty are . . .
- Cutting meetings or missing obligations to be with this person
- Thinking and worrying a lot about this person
- Not sure what you should do
- When “helping” interferes with your getting your work finished or your obligations met
Ask yourself . . .
- Is this student’s behavior distressingly out of the ordinary?
- Is this beyond my skill level?
- Is the behavior getting worse?
- Does the behavior place anyone at risk?
- Am I feeling like I want to talk with someone about my observations and concerns?
If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, seek assistance and/or consult with a colleague.
What Can You Do As OSU Community Leaders?
- Reach out by letting students know that you are available and can offer support.
- Listen. Simply acknowledging feelings is important. Allow room for people to have their feelings, even as you try to reassure them.
- Encourage others to give themselves time to heal, to mourn the losses, and to be patient with changes in their emotional state.
- Respect their need for privacy; some students may prefer to talk with others in their support network
- Be flexible with timelines and deadlines.
- Schedule an all-staff meeting to discuss facts.
- There should be no mandate for process or discussion of reactions
- CAPS can be available to provide information regarding reactions to trauma
- Arrange for informal and safe opportunities for students to gather to provide mutual support and share reactions.
- Invite CAPS to facilitate reactions if requested by a student group
- Help others communicate their experience in ways that feel comfortable to them - such as talking with family or close friends, or keeping a diary.
- Follow-up. Arrange to meet or call the person again. This demonstrates concern and understanding for their emotional pain.
- To be helpful to others, you need to take care of yourself and tend to your loved ones as you may feel stretched and overwhelmed due to trying to meet the demands of your community.
- Be accepting of your own feelings and reactions as well as those of others.
- Remember recovering from a tragic event or loss takes time and cannot be "fixed with a quick remedy." Sometimes your intervention will not be able to make someone feel better right away. Be prepared for this and don't take it as a comment on your helping skills.