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Information for Friends and Family

As a friend or family member of a survivor, you have been affected by the assault also. Many people respond to the assault of a loved one with the same reactions as the victim, e.g. anger, fear, anxiety, guilt. It is important that you seek out support for yourself and address your own reactions to the violence, so that you are able to provide the best possible support to the survivor.

Tips for Supporting Survivors

• Believe what the survivor tell you and let the survivor know you believe her/him.



• Never ask questions that may sound like you blame the survivor for the assault. For example: Why didn't you fight back? Were you drinking?



• Listen to the survivor. Make her/him feel comfortable when expressing feelings.



• Respect the survivor's right to confidentiality. Do not discuss the survivor's situation with anyone without her/his permission.



• Validate the survivor's feelings and reassure her/him that what s/he did to survive the assault was the right thing to do.



• Do not be judgmental. Let the survivor know that s/he did not deserve to be assaulted, and that nothing s/he did could have caused the assault. Counter-act self-blaming statements.



• Don't interrogate the survivor or ask her/him to tell you what happened. The survivor may not feel comfortable talking about the assault.



• Support the decisions the survivor makes around reporting or not reporting. Let the survivor know the importance of seeking medical attention and getting support, but let the survivor decide what is needed.



• Get support for yourself. Find people that you can debrief with about your own needs and reactions. If you are a student you can go to Student Counseling, or the Women's Center to talk with someone and get support.

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