Communicating
Well in Conflict: Competence Skills and Collaboration
by Gregg Walker
Department of Speech Communication
Oregon State University
This
material is under construction!
What is Communication
Competence? It has three dimensions:
1. Adaptability
- Competent communicators assess situations and when necessary adapt the
expectations and behaviors accordingly.
2. Appropriateness
- Competence means employing communication behaviors that both you
and others judge to be appropriate to the situation.
3. Effectiveness
- Competent communication behaviors, as evaluated by oneself and others,
is effective in achieving one's communication goals.
KEY POINT:
Appropriateness and effectivness are evaluated by others as well as by
yourself. The judgments of others about your communication behavior
is critical to determining your communication competence.
Collaborative Communication
Skills
Communication competence in conflict situations
is necessary to promote collaborastive interaction. The "communication
competence" skills of collaboration include:
1.
Listening skills. Active, open-minded
listening is essential. Guidelines include:
-
Commit to understanding;
paraphrase and acknowledge
-
Focus on the essential
message rather than detail
-
Provide undivided attention;
avoid interruption
-
Withhold judgment; maintain
an open mind
2.
Questioning skills. Questioning
is both a way to learn and to empower others. Questions should be
thoughtful and constructive. Types of questions include:
-
Clarification -
questions to better understand (e.g., "Who," What," "When")
-
Probing -
questions to learn more (e.g., "Why")
-
Hypothesis/scenario testing
(e.g., alternatives) - questions to explore
alternatives and introduce new peprsectives (e.g., "What if")
-
Doubt raising -
asking critical questions, exploring feasability (e.g., "How," "What about")
-
Evaluation
- questions to assess issues, ideas and proposals.
3. Feedback skills.
Parties need to provide resgular, constructive feedback to one another.
Specific communication techniques include:
-
"I" message feedback -
use statements that begin with "I" (focus on you).
-
Appropriate, relevant self-disclosure - disclose
information that is relevant to the present situation.
-
Description of feelings
- try to describe your feeling with "I" messages rather than expressing
them (e.g., "I get so frustrated when . . ." rather than "you are so inconsiderate
when . . .")
-
Perception check
- Check out the feelings, thoughts, intentions, and meanings you perceive
rather than assuming them to be true. This may be particularly importnat
when interpreting nonverbal behavior.
-
Behavior description
- describe as accuratelyand objectively as possible the behavior you see
that concerns you.
-
Specificity via indexing
and dating - be specific about what has occurred and when it occurred.
4. Modeling
skills. We serve as models for others; spouses and partners,
children, friends, co-workers, fellow community members, clients,
etc. If we expect competent and collaborative communication behavior
from others, we need to model that behavior ourselves.
-
Demonstrate desired communication
behavior
-
Invite feedback and criticism
of one's own behavior
-
"Meta-communicate"
- talk with one another about how well you are communicating and how communication
can be improved.
5. Self-monitoring
skills. Communicating well includes a heightened awareness
of our own behavior. We need to consider our own behavior in a number
of areas:
-
Semantic sensitivity -
monitoring the language we use and be sensitive to the others' interpretations,
the meanings we intend, and the meanings others construct.
-
Nonverbal sensitivity
- monitoring our nonverbal behaviors and be sensitive to others'
interpretations of those behaviors; welcoming others' concerns about our
behaviors.
-
Face sensitivity
- monitoring our verbal and nonverbal behaviors so as to minimize threats
to another party's "face."
-
Cultural senstivity
- monitoring our verbal and nonverbal behaviors so as to respect and be
sensitive to cultural norms, values, and meanings.
-
Personal identity sensitivity
- monitoring our verbal and nonverbal behaviors so as to minimize threats
to another party's identity and sense of self.
-
Stress sensitivity
- assessing the situation and monitoring our actions to be responsive to
the stress and pressures the other party is experiencing.
-
Time sensitivity
- assessing the situation and monitoring our actions so that we time our
confrontation, feedback, and intervention constructively and approprtiately.
6. Dialogue
skills. Competent communication interaction in collaboration
often occurs as dialogue. Dialogue emphasizes mutual learning, recognition,
and empowerment. Dialogue is fostered through the following techniques
(in addition to the other six communication competence skills areas):
-
Perspective taking
- trying to understand the other person's point of view or experience thoughtfully
(cognitively).
-
Empathy -
trying to understand the other person's experience or viewpoint emotionally
(affectively).
-
Bilateral focus, role
reversal, and mirroring - techniques designed
to promote perspective taking, empathy, and mutual learning (see the "Competition
to Collaboration" material for details).
-
Mutual (other and self
centeredness) - focusing on the interests
of all primary parties.
-
Patience and tolerance
- giving people time to contemplate, speak,
and respond.
-
Equal opportunity/time/turns
- supporting everyone's opportunity to participate.
-
Acknowledgement and reinforcement
- recognition for people's contributions and
commitment.
7. Collaborative
argument.
Conditions:
-
Valuing disagreement
-
Desire to learn
-
Willingness to risk
-
Open-mindedness
-
Distinguish between arguers
and arguments
-
Positive regard for the
other
-
Ethical responsibility
Skills - Inquiry and advocacy
-
Questions
-
Reason-giving and explanation
-
Case building and modification;
individual and joint
-
Refutation and constructive
criticism
-
Values discussion
-
Reflection